I do not generally make New Year’s Resolutions, because why set myself up for shame and disappointment? But this year I jotted down a few, just so that I might have a goal or two to keep in mind. I will inevitably fail at almost all of them. Still, this is who I’d like to be, if I wasn’t so much the person I am:
- Write better.
- Write more.
- If faced with a choice between 1 and 2, choose 1.
- Reduce monthly beignet consumption. (Challenging, since I live half a block from Cafe Du Monde and it is open 24/7.
- Be less of a grumpy old cuss.
- Spend more money on experiences, less money on possessions (i.e. fewer neckties, more adventures).
- Do the ridiculous ladder-climbing machine at the gym every other day.
- Dismantle capitalism.
- Try to gain a basic understanding of the principles of physics so that I am slightly less mystified by the universe, or at least so that I don’t feel like a total dope around people who understand physics.
- Always check that I know what I’m talking about before I start talking about it.
- Do not accidentally swear in front of children. Try to use fewer swears generally, except especially satisfying or colorful ones.
- Pay my electric bill on time so that I receive fewer “FINAL SHUTOFF” notices.
- Try to understand how my student loans work instead of just telling myself that money is a construct.
- Stop being needlessly rude about philosophers and economists.
- Learn to make real food instead of pretending that just drinking Meal Replacement Liquid is fine and is the same as eating.
- Try not to be haplessly buffeted about by fate quite so much.
- Get a basic understanding of how things I use every day, like combustion engines and plumbing and the internet, actually work.
- Take fewer than 9 weeks to reply to all emails.
- Improve my drawing skills to the point where I can draw an animal that doesn’t look like it was mutated in a nuclear accident.
- Figure out how to make a simple phone call without experiencing an overpowering sense of dread.
- Learn some econometrics.
- Learn what econometrics is.
- Never let the laundry pile grow so large as to impede my movement around the house.
- Send more postcards.
- Build more dioramas.
- Never open Twitter.
- Spend more time with children and animals, less time with Word documents.
- Be willing to acknowledge that cities other than New Orleans have their own virtues.
- Panic about mortality less. Be less disheveled and bewildered. Relax a bit and stop being so agitated and afraid.
- Be charitable to my opponents and supportive to my friends. Spread joy and try to be useful.
