There are too many useless quizzes on the World Wide Web that purport to reveal truths about your innermost nature, yet deliver only stale fortune cookieisms (while stealing your personal information in the process). To hell with such quizzes! At Current Affairs, you have our solemn word that our quizzes are not only 100 percent free of data harvesting nonsense, but also full of trenchant insights into your soul. 

This quiz—or, as we like to call it, illustrated journey of self-discovery—originally appeared in Issue 29 of our spectacular print magazine. Should you wish to see what other delights lie beneath its cover, there’s never been a better time to subscribe!